Samstag, 30. April 2016

"Shigatsu wa kimi no uso" photo shooting

What a glorious day!!

How have you been?

I was so looking forward for this weekend and moreover prayed a lot to the weather god
that there won't be any rain at least today - thank you, God!

Thanks to the wonderful Gino, I was able to do this cosplay shooting so soon.

I love Kaori but I still don't have enough time and motivation to sew costumes anymore.

Gino sold her Kaori dress and I was so lucky to get the chance to buy it!

She sent it immediately to me, so it already arrived on Friday! <3

Therefore I met with my good friend Cris and took some photos.

First, we wanted to go to Potsdam or Werder but we were so tired of the whole week that we give in and just walk around our local park.

Here are some of the results. <3

Usually I'm always really scared of wearing blonde,
but I really like that one here. <3

Mittwoch, 27. April 2016

First violin lesson

Dear Gals... guess what?

Today I had my first violin lesson!

It's been ages since I had proper music lessons.
Over 10 years of school, over 15 years having guitar lessons.

I really was excited and I really was thrilled.

I have private lessons now and that's exactly what I need, I guess.

We practised holding the violine first.
It's hard to let go if you always want to keep your posture right.

Then I was asked to play the tunes by using the fingers only.
It was funny to play just by hearing the same my teacher was playing on the piano.

Afterwards we practised how to hold the bow and how to make some movements with it.

I also should give it a try to tip the strings only. Funny.
It reminds me of a grasshopper.

After 45minutes my right arm and shoulder really felt tired.
But I'm determined to practise from tomorrow on again.

My teacher said that my posture is good and that I make more than enough process for the first lesson.

I wanna play the violine properly, soon!

But I have to remind myself that I don't have to play everything perfect.
Even if the tunes don't come out right.
I should just keep trying and practising.

I love the violine so much.

I love music so much.

And guess what 2nd:

That only happened once to me in my whole life,
playing the guitar...

While tuning the violine... the a string torn off!!

Argh... I forgot the feeling how annoying this is.


Learning how to play an instrument is so much fun.
I can relax and just focus on the tunes which come out.

And I'm doing just a little playing by ear:

✨ キラキラひかる ✨

Freitag, 22. April 2016

Being a HSP?I

My dear gals,

after showing you some photos of London and other happy things,
I want to write about some much more serious stuff today.

I've been on hiatus for a long time since January last year and have only written some stuff
in March 2015 when things did come to an end.
Most of all it was because of graduation exams.
The second reason was something else.

Did you ever feel overwhelmed by your environment?

Feeling dizzy, nearly fainting?
Having a bad headache or can't breathe because there is too much stress around you, caused by people?

Well, that was something I experienced in Decemeber 2014 when I met a friend.
Everything came together: the stress of work, of graduation exams, of feeling and being unhappy, eating too less on that day and drink too less, too...
I already felt exhausted some days ago but it got better and so I met up with that friend.

On that day the city was so crowded with people.
People were REALLY noisy in the train so that we almost had to lift up our voices to understand each other.

People were exhausting on that day for me.
We went to an multimedia shop and I nearly couldn't stand the after-christmas-rush there.
Going to our usual favourite shop and doing some purikura just gave me the rest because of the light and sound impulses of the machine.

Fortunately, I know what to do if you feel dizzy.
Just squat or sit down, keep your eyes open and remind yourself to breathe calmly.
Drinking some water also helped.

After that we went to a restaurant and I felt my body screaming for a drink, so I drank one litre water in a rush! I always drink much but not one liter in 15 minutes without feeling sick afterwards.
(You know: drink one litre cold water in five minutes and you can throw up - important thing to know for alcohol sickness)

After that event I really needed a long time to rehab.

The first days were terrible.
I couldn't even stand the rustling of plastic bags.
I couldn't listen to music and just had to be in a silent area.
I couldn't sit on the PC because the noise of the hardware made me dizzy again.
I couldn't read magazines, books or manga.
I couldn't watch TV.
To say it briefly: My whole body was overstimulated in every way.

My timeline since when:

  •  Going to school for written exams was horrible but I managed it. (1st January week 2015)
  • Going to work was also pretty hard since I couldn't work with three people around me, interrupting each other in talking. But I managed it with the silent five minutes for myself in a quiet room and with talking to my colleagues about that problem. They were so nice and accepted that problem and tried to help me out. (Jan-Mar)
  • Taking the practical exam wasn't a problem since I suffered from some stomach illness which was spread across the whole ward. (1st March week)
  • Going to school for the repitorium was very exhausting because I had to spend the whole day with 18 noisy people in a room and be concentrated for eight hours a row but it was manageable, too. (Mid March)
  • Taking the oral exam wasn't a problem since I suffered from some cold back when (24th March).
  • In April I had holidays and I really took the step to have holidays on my own in London. (2nd April week) I was so busy and walked the whole day, a lot of impressions around me but except the airport stress of the return flight, made by others, it was so absolutely okay. Afterwards I really was exhausted, but okay.
  • Mid April I started my new work but I didn't have any problems.
  • The problems started again with the given stress and so I was exhausted nearly every day, I slept so much, I couldn't go to my sports activity...
  • I changed my job in June
  • In November I had to change again because my boss drove me near another episode of burnout syndrome.

From January to April 2015 I really had rare social contacts.
I couldn't bear too many people around me and I hadto look after myself and decided spontaneously if I could meet the person on the day itself.
I felt pretty lonely the whole time and I was glad for at least having my family around me.

So how is it now?

I feel much better.
I still have days when everything seems to become too heavy to bear.
But most of the time I can spend my time like I want to, without being punished by my body.

What did I do to let this happen?

First of all I read some informations about HSP. It is a phenomena which isn't something you would find too often. There isn't an official dark figure but I wonder how many people feel something like this at least ONCE in there life?

Then I really noticed that I need a break. I was forced to. Even if I wanted to do other but it simply wasn't possible.
I tried out different things like meditation, breath exercises, meditation work (that's drawing for me), having real breaks without any noises around you, having long walks, listening to meditative Zen music, ... *

At work I tried the same: If I noticed that the noises became too much for me, I looked for the little room where I could spend five minutes in silence. Keep breathing and being focused on that. That helped a lot.

After work I often relaxes, had a nap, etc. - I just did, what my body wanted me to do. Nothing else. It's pretty simple if you know what you CAN'T do.
But I was also forced to go outside and I tried to force myself a little bit to go outside, too.
That's very important I think. If you avoid every situation you will be scared more easily. You have to see your fear (in that situation: the fear to be overwhelmed and helpless again) in the eyes, to face it. For having some success feelings.

When everything went a little bit better, had improved in some way - I sorted out my life.
What is the one thing you really want to do or have?

I started to think things over.
I started to throw away a lot of things I really don't need anymore.
(I still have to continue that)
I also started to rethink my job, my freetime and my lifestyle.

So in the end what am I doing now?

I quit my job when I found another one.
I won't buy unnecessary things anymore and minimalize my living space.
I meet the people I want, when I want and where I want. (That seems pretty selfish, I guess)
I sleep enough (at least 7,5 hours per night).
I started Yoga.
I started to really care about my eating behaviour and avoid junk food (even healthy junk food).
I'll do the things I really want to do in life.
I admit to myself what kind of human I am, what kind of woman, and what I want.
I read books. (no joking - read 'eat pray love' if you're a person who overthink things)
I'll do everything I want to do.

* I have to add that it wasn't only because of being HS. That's the main problem but I also suffered from burnout syndrome. The "advantage" in that situation is that these strategies worked out with the burnout situation, too. Still you have to differ between being HS and suffer from a syndrome.
HS isn't a disease and you really shouldn't take it as one. It can be hard, it can be a burden, but still you can experience a lot of great things because of it.

You always have to respect yourself.
You have to see the good things in life.
Only if you lift your heard you can walk properly.

What are the good things about being an HSP?

It's just my opinion but as an HSP I'm able to see all the beautiful small things in life.
I'm capable of being creative.
I'm capable of having a sense of sensibility around me.
I'm capable of being showing much more compassion for others.
I can focus on the tiniest but most beautiful things of nature.
I've learnt how to handle things with much more peace on mind.
I've learnt what really matters.
And I still do learning a lot of things about life...

Don't misunderstand... there are still times I hate it.
There are enough times of that.
And sometimes it's needed.
Sometimes it's needed to shed a tear, so you can focus again.

Because in my opinion the most important fact to deal with something is that you can accept it and that you don't feel unfortunate.

We can keep on struggling.

And the longer we do that the more we understand and the less it seems like that - struggling.

Sonntag, 17. April 2016

Small Haul ... greetings from Poland!

Last weekend I was with my parents and we went to Poland,
just running some chores and looking for interesting stuff.

We had some nice lunch first.

You really should try a Schnitzel there!

The meat is much better than the typical Schnitzel meat in Germany.
Usually I don't like pork but this was so damn good! <3
Will keep it in my mind! <3

After walking down the market we stopped at the supermarket.

This day I couldn't resist buying some things... of course most of them are
food but there are also some fashion and make-up things...

A fresh fragrance and some nail polish for the
French manicure look.
The nail polish really is great and yet so cheap!

A light maxi skirt which you could also wear as a dress

Lots of food. The mini chocolate waffle bars in the middle
are really sweet but delicious!
The white blue box is chocolate confectionary with a
cappuccino like cream inside. <3
And the yellow crackers (right side) are similar to TUC,
are just cold PUB and really tasty.

Samstag, 16. April 2016

Speech Contest of the Japan Embassy

Hello Girls,

well, first I wanted to write about the small trip to Poland last weekend with my parents.
But yesterday I received a great message from the Japanese Embassy.

I don't know if I told you about it but last month I decided to take part in that competition's first round - writing an essay about my own relationship to Japan - "Japan and I".

I remembered that I wanted to take part the last time, too, but couldn't decide what to write,
It really is hard if you have such freedom to choose what exactly to write.
I always reminds me of the typical school essay "my greatest vacation's experience" or something like that...

But this time I gave it another try and finished in time!

I noticed too late that it's a national contest and so I didn't think that I'd make it to the second round...

I was invited to give a speech on May 12th!!
Fortunately it's in Berlin - so I don't have to travel far!
And: I can invite people. :)

I already decided who I want to be part of that event and I really hope that they can make it, because it's on a Thursday and of course people have to work, right?

But my penpal and friend Ayaka, who will be in Germany around that time, already agreed!

So now I have to improve my speaking skills and memorise my speech. <3

(And have to think about my outfit for that important event. Haha)

It's such a great chance because I can win a trip to Japan.
(And as 2nd or 3rd place also some great materials from the Embassy)

But most of all I can say "Thank you" to everyone and everything who gave me a reason to keep on studying Japanese and be interested in Japan culture, too.

If it weren't for those people and things I wouldn't write this blog entry, too, you know? <3